Eyes Straight and Listen Up!

Happy St. Pat's to you all. I know I'm a day late. Lady Di and I and some friends of ours went to The Local for a pint on St. Patrick's Day. We got to eat some Shepperd's pie, drink some Guinness and Harp, and watch the Minneapolis, St Pat's Day parade. We even got to listen to a bagpipe band march through the bar. It was a lot of fun. It has been a while since I had to shuffle sideways through a bar to get to the bathroom. The place was literally packed with Irish. Or at least, most were Irish and a few Irish pretenders like me. Once I arrived at the restroom, I found even more entertainment. I may be a few months behind the headlines, but I was unprepared to see 'talking urinal cakes'. As I stood in front of my urinal, I started to hear a man's voice talking. This scared me because nobody talks to a gentleman while business is being attended to. I also didn't want to look around to find who was talking, since restroom protocol requires your head to be bowed and eyes downcast. Then, I finally figured out that the urinal cake was doing the talking. It was a hockey puck shaped electronic recorder, communicating a message about drinking and driving. I think it said something about 'the police are cracking down' and 'you drink, you drive, you lose'. The unfortunate thing was that since it was a holiday, and the bathrooms were standing room only, all of the urinal cakes were talking at the same time. Now, I assumed it was impolite to listen to another man's urinal cake, so I didn't get to hear the entire message. I did start wondering about whose job is it to change the batteries when needed. Also, do women have a similar device in their stalls? Somehow, I don't think it would have the same effect. I think these 'potty preachers' are a very clever idea. Even if they only work once, it is worth it. I'm sure after a while the novelty will wear off and men will start ignoring these little wet speakers. By then, someone will have had another equally brilliant brainstorm. Maybe they will change the message to seasonal reminders like, "Don't forget, Valentine's Day is coming soon." Or, "Is it time for a prostate check?"