The big news around our place is that Lady Di and I are now the proud owners of a brand spankin' new teenager. As of 12:01 am Number One Son has now matured to 13 years. Even though we just drove him off the lot, he already has that teenage boy smell. We do have a sample can of Axe Body Spray that we hang around his neck to freshen him up a bit. In addition to the Axe we also picked up a basket of maintenance items to keep our teen looking new. We stocked up on soap,acne cream, deodorant, soap, three different sizes of shoes, ear plugs (for us) and soap.
He has been bugging us for a cell phone for a couple of years, so now that he has reached the responsible age of 13, we decided to implant a GPS microchip in his arm instead to know where he is at all times.
We also have pre-emptively removed his bedroom door to avoid the inevitable slamming.
We've taken out a second mortgage to expand our pantry to make room for the industrial sized cans of food needed to keep both of his hollow legs full.
We are also trying to prepare for the inevitable interest in girls. So far he still kids around with us when we mention the fair sex but we know that he is probably just showing disinterest to throw us parents off his trail. And I'm not talking about the trail of week old underwear snaking around his room.
Communicating with girls is a mine field for any teenage boy, but when you have Asperger's like N1S, it's like navigating that same mine field blindfolded, at a rock concert, wearing snow shoes. So I have put together a few sure fire opening lines to get him in the door.
Lines like, "You must be from Memphis because you're the only Ten-I-See." Or, "I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" Or, " I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?"
And the never failing, "How you doin'?"
I'm sure these lines will do nothing but help N1S on his way to ladies-manness. They worked like a charm for me 15 & 1/2 years ago on Lady Di when I said, "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Here is a short video of N1S's show choir performing the song '13'.